Pocahantas

Today my mommy went to a wedding shower. I asked if she was going to take an umbrella, but she said “no silly” so I guess she got wet.

Mommy wore a dress with only one sleeve to the shower. So we had this conversation…

Me: Mommy, you look like an Indian.
Mommy: Why?
Me: Because you only have one sleeve.
Mommy: Ok.
Me: Why did you dress up like Pocahantas?

While Mommy was at the shower, I played with my second cousins. I have three cousins on my Daddy’s side, so I don’t know why these are my second cousins. I think they are my fourth and fifth. Anyway, they are Korean and don’t really speak English. We had fun anyway. Afterwards, Mommy asked if I had a good time.

Mommy: What did you guys do?
Me: We played.
Mommy: What did you play?
Me: Princesses. And poker.
Mommy: You played poker?
Me: Yes. And backgammon.

I hope you all have a nice weekend. If you go out in any showers, make sure you take an umbrella!

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Birthdays

Today, my mommy turned 4 years old! That’s what I think, because everyone who is older than me is 4. I helped my daddy make some delicious chocolate chip muffins (if by help, you mean “dreamed about them in my sleep) and sang her a birthday song…

I sure have come a long way since almost two years ago when I wished my cousin a happy birthday. Thanks for that jacked up haircut Mommy. To all you other parents out there, if you love your kid, you will fork over the $19 to get a haircut at Snip It’s or some other kid friendly salon.

I mean seriously, I am getting really salty remembering this hair disaster.

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You owe me a 2nd birthday redo Mommy. And I’m taking all your presents back. Enjoy your 4th birthday, hair butcherer.

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Who wore it better?

I really love Us Weekly magazine, and in particular, the “Who Wore it Better” section. I make Mommy ask me who I like the best on EVERY page. Even if its an ad for “vodka” or a story about Prince Harry.

So what I want to know is, who wore the polka dots better.

This cheetah?

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Or me?

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Yup, last night after my bath, while Mommy was putting my brother to bed, I decided to decorate myself with a marker. Mommy said it was a permanent marker, but I don’t know what those are. All I know is that I had to get back in the bath, and now I have faded polka dots all over me.

On dictators and magic

Some of you may be wondering how I came up with such an interesting name for my site. Well, here’s the story.

Many many years ago, before iPads and Yo Gabba Gabba, this handsome young man rescued a beautiful woman from the rice paddies in a place called North Korea, which was ruled by a very bad man named Kim Jong Il. Okay, not really. But, my Mommy’s mommy (I call her hal-muh-nee) is from South Korea, which makes me 1/4 Korean.

When my Mommy was a teenager very small child, a movie called Team America: World Police was released. My Mommy thought that the Kim Jong Il character looked just like hal-muh-nee. Mommy was not very nice to her mommy, and she and my grandpa would make fun of hal-muh-nee and call her Kim Jong Il. See the resemblance?

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I know, I don’t either. My halmuhnee has much cooler glasses.

Anyway, the second part of the story is that around the time I turned three, Mommy and Daddy thought I acted like a dictator. Apparently, this Kim Jong Il guy was a dictator too. Some grownups talk about the “terrible two’s” but when I was two, I was really cool and didn’t have “tantrums.” When I turned three, I became the boss. I didn’t want to take my naps, I didn’t want to brush my teeth, I wanted to eat Sour Patch Kids all the time, and generally, I just wanted to do my own thing 50% of the time. 50% of the time I was a peach. So Mommy and Daddy started calling me Kim Jong Elle, and the name sort of stuck.

After a few months, Mommy and Daddy were fed up, but one day, Mommy’s friend told her about a book called 1-2-3 Magic. Mommy read the book in about two hours, and then she spent the next several weeks straightening me up. And you know what? It really was magic. I am so sweet now, but still sassy. Sometimes I feel like someone needs to count Mommy to get her off her iPhone, but I guess only grownups are allowed to do the counting.

So there you have it. I may not be a dictator anymore, but I’m still Korean and sometimes, I do what I want!

Dumb and Dumber

There’s this movie called Dumb and Dumber that came out in the 90’s (I don’t even know what that means). I have never seen it, but one of the characters named Lloyd asked the other character, Harry, if he wants to hear the most annoying sound in the world. If you don’t remember, here is a little refresher.

When I was a baby, I watched Dumb and Dumber. And then I did this:

Just kidding! I didn’t really watch it. But I do a pretty mean Jim Carrey impersonation, don’t ya think?

Bellies and babies

Last night, Mommy and I had a discussion about babies. I wanted to know how they come out of mommies’ bellies. I am pretty sure babies come out of belly buttons. Mommy told me that is not the case. You do NOT want to know how they get out. Let’s just say, I don’t ever want to be a doctor. Or a mommy.

There are other things in our bellies too. The conversation Mommy and I had last night reminded me of one we had before my brother was born.

Mommy: What’s in my belly?
Me: Baby Jude
Mommy: That’s right. What’s in your belly?
Me: Pasta… and poop!

I have no idea how babies fit in bellies along with the food and “other stuff.” Guess that’s why kids don’t have babies. Our bellies aren’t big enough.

Pop music

I just don’t understand pop music. For instance, there’s this song on the radio called Cups. I like cups as much as the next 3 year old, but why does she want somebody to buy her taco?

Mommy said the lyrics actually go like this:

“You’re gonna miss me by my walk, you’re gonna miss me by my talk-ohhhh, you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.”

I still don’t get it. But I love tacos.

Also, Mommy loves this song called Blurred Lines. I asked her why the man how he knows she wants “it” and what “it” is. Mommy said that the girl wants chocolate cake. Then I asked her why the girl is a good girl. Mommy told me its because she at her broccoli. Well, that must make me a good girl too.

And I leave you with a video of me dancing to Robin Thicke. You’re welcome.

Maybe next year

When I was a baby, I wasn’t allowed to eat gum. I didn’t really have any interest in it until Halloween last year (aka, the worst night of Mommy’s life). Mommy finally let me have some a few months ago. It didn’t go very well, but she decided to give me another shot.

Mommy: Now don’t swallow it like last time.
Me: Why?
Mommy: Because it will turn your belly black and make it hurt (the teachers used to say this at my old daycare.
Me: Ok, I promise.

Ten minutes later, I was lifting up my dress and staring at my tummy…

Mommy: What are you doing?
Me: Just checking to see if my belly is black.
Mommy: Why?! Where is your gum?!
Me: I don’t know. Maybe that crocodile with all those sharp teeth ate it.

Yup, I swallowed my gum again. Guess it will be another few months before I can have more.

Robots

Did you know we have a robot that lives in our house? Mommy calls the robot “security system.” One night when Daddy was out of town, I was sleeping blissfully when the robot woke me up. I had never heard it before, so I was confused.

Me: Who is that?!
Mommy: It’s a lady robot.
Me: Why is she in our house?!
Mommy: She’s not. She just talks to us over this speaker sometimes.
Me: She needs to leave NOW! And robots are boys, not girls.

I really thought robots were supposed to be boys. You learn something new every day!

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Random musings on personal hygiene

Mommies, remember to brush your teeth before you snuggle your kids in the morning. Otherwise you may have this kind of conversation with your precocious three-year-old…

Me: I smell something.
Mommy: Maybe Griffin (dog) farted.
Me: No, it’s your breath. Get out of my face.

Also, the weather is going to get cooler as fall greets us. Mommies and other ladies, that doesn’t give you a free pass to neglect your razor… unless you want your toddler to brush your leg hair with a comb and say “it’s a horsey.” Mommy immediately shaved her legs. And no, Daddy didn’t pay me to say that to her.

Have a great weekend! I am going on a bike ride 🙂

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